Saying Good-bye: Perhaps the Hardest Day of my Life

            It’s over. It’s so hard to say and believe, but it’s true. After two years of after-school programs, today was the last day. I look back on the time I had with these kids and I regret the days I missed. I regret the moments I lost my temper. I regret the opportunities I didn’t take to tell them that I love them or to just give them all hugs. But despite the regrets, I am so thankful for the way things went. So full of praise to God for the lives that He not only changed, but rescued. The majority of the kids in the club are now called sons and daughters of God, and I cannot think of anything more exciting to have been able to be a part of!

            The biggest lesson I have learned here is that God works through us when we are obedient, not when we are strong. I went into this with weak Spanish and very little experience with Ecuadorian culture and teaching a group of kids this size. But time and time again God showed me that I am never the one who does the work. He does it through me and all He asks is that I follow His lead. That can be hard to do. I felt that God was leading me into the dark. But now that I have seen the things God does when we follow Him, no matter how He leads, I know I will be much more prepared to do it again in the future.

            After two years of doing the club we finally finished our walk through the Old Testament. I was inspired by the Walk Through the Bible series that I learned as a kid. I wasn’t about to try and translate all that into Spanish so I made up my own as I went. After teaching every book we would choose a key phrase and an action to summarize the book. Little by little we added books on until they finally could say all of the books of the Old Testament in order and know the basics of what happens in that book. Here’s a video I took of the kids saying all the books of the Old Testament together. The camera drifts off to the side because I was too focused on trying to help them through the Minor Prophets.

    

            Today was the last day of the club. I really hyped it up in my mind. Last year the kids cried when I went home, and they knew I was coming back. I cried too. It was hard knowing that I was going to leave them for a couple of months. I anticipated that today was going to be at least as hard. No amount of preparation could have left me ready to face what happened today.

            There was no homework time. I decided to let the kids just play and eat and have a good time. So they played soccer and did puzzles while I was in the kitchen making food for them all. All 25 of the kids came, which was a huge relief. It was great to be able to see them all one last time.

            There were a few hick-ups during the day. The worst was when Alex hit his face into Luis’ head really hard. His teeth were bleeding, his lip was split, and blood was pouring out of his nose for over 5 minutes. The grass was soaked in his blood. He made a full recovery however and within a half an hour he was back to normal. We all ate and played bucket ball, and then it was time for my surprise.

            The kids are horrible at trying to keep surprises. They would scream whenever I got close to the classroom. They made badges for everyone that said “Happy Robbie Day,” and they filled the tables with all sorts of snacks and a cake. It was touching. It was even more touching that they ate ALL of it and I didn’t get any. They even ate the left over cake while I washed their dishes. Haha. They may be considerate for kids, but they are still kids.

With my birthday cake.

All the goodies they brought for my birthday.

Cutting a cake into 25 pieces is hard to do!

While I washed the dishes I felt nothing. It was like it was just another day. A couple of the kids came into the kitchen and casually said good-bye and gave me a hug. After I noticed that they were all about to just leave I quickly called them all together just to say a few final words.

Bad idea.

As I started to say good-bye and tell them how much I love them and how much God loves them, they started to cry. That was it. The emotions I thought were not going to show up were there full force. My chin started to quiver first. Then I couldn’t talk as my throat closed up. Finally, my eyes got hot and filled with tears as I told them how little I wanted to leave them. For the next half hour I cried as I cleaned up and took long pauses to hug a group of kids as they cried into my shirt. They stood around in groups sobbing with each other and hugging each other. Every time I walked by they’d say, “Robbie, please don’t go!” My heart broke because I knew I was breaking their hearts. I will never forget the sound of 25 kids all crying and wailing at the same time. I thought it was never going to end. I thought I was never going to stop crying.

Starting to say good-bye

I went through the club closing it up door by door. Every time I went into a room there was a new group of kids crying and a new group of kids to hug and cry with. I gathered up my things and we all went over to the door. I had the kids that were still there (we were now an hour overtime, so some had already rushed home) stand at the door and I took a short video of them all and a picture. Prepare to have your heart broken.

This might be the saddest picture I have ever seen in my life! Look at all their individual faces!

Then I gave them all a hug, one at a time and said good-bye. I looked at them all, said, “ I love you all so much,” and I turned around and walked away. Walked away as I listened to them crying behind me. Walked away knowing that most of these kids I am not going to see again this side of eternity. Walked away, and left my heart there on the doorstep to that piece of land. The land where God showed me who He was, and where 21 kids decided that His love was worth giving up their lives for.

When I got off the bus two hour later my phone rang. It was Alex calling to ask where I was. He passed the phone to his sister Sarahi who wanted to tell me how much she missed me. I couldn't help but think about how I sent all the kids home in tears. Their dirty faces with clean streaks down the cheeks from crying so much. Their parents probably had them call to try to get them to stop crying. But it was nice hearing their voices. A reminder that in this day and age we are never far from the people we love. In a couple of years these kids will probably be adding me on Facebook.

While good-byes are hard, they are often necessary. When I left Canada the first time I thought that was hard. But now I know that I have never loved as much as I loved these kids. And that love was the direct result of God’s love for me. I told myself everyday that I was there to be Christ to them. That meant I needed to try to see them the way God sees us, and boy did that change my perspective. I found a heart I never knew I had.

I’m going back to Canada in a few weeks, and the future is uncertain. It’s even a little scary. But I am going to move forward ready to love hard and follow Christ to the places I’m scared to go. I'm ready for this because God has shown me His faithfulness. God has shown me how He accomplishes things. And if you have ever experienced God actively doing something through you, you can’t help but want more.

My God is so great! And I hope for those of you who have been following what has been happening down here that you too have seen the greatness of God! Let’s give Him our all, because when He has all of us is when we learn what it means to truly live!